Tuesday 6th April, 2021
These words were written by Hal David in 1965 and set to music by Burt Bacharach. The song reached number 7 in the US charts that year and number 1 in Canada. Since then it has been performed by more than 145 artists (Second Hand Songs) from Dionne Warwick to Ronan Keating. It’s a great song that has stood the test of time. Nevertheless, I hope that David & Bacharach will allow me to make a small amendment to make their song a parable for this moment in time. Delete the words ‘love sweet love’ and replace them with the single word ’empathy’.
The Oxford Dictionary defines empathy as ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person’. This skill has never been more important and needed. The lack of it is at the heart of much of our angst on issues such as internet trolling, modern slavery, domestic abuse, homelessness, unemployment, climate change and the digital deficit to name but a few.
In society empathy ought to oil the wheels of relationships between people day to day. Empathy should do this at work too. When it does, it improves an organisation’s culture and performance. That’s because our ability to see a situation from the perspective of others is one of the most crucial aspects of emotional intelligence which is known to enable leaders and managers to motivate others. This is important because motivated employees are more likely than others to perform better in terms of work engagement, collaboration, innovation and output.
So, what can we do to increase our levels of empathy? Well, we can start by thinking about someone whose circumstances are very different to ours and then engage in a simple act of visualisation. This is a way of creating space for empathy. So, …
imagine that you live in a country where you do not have ready access to a computer and the internet. Or that climate change in your area has led to recurring floods that have washed away the soil so that you can no longer grow the crop that you need to sell in order to feed your family. You can’t get a job, because there are none. All of your family and friends are in the same situation, so they cannot help. What will you do? Sit there complaining, maybe crying, or will you get up and do something about it?
What about moving to another town? You think about that option; but you have heard from people you know that it’s the same everywhere in your country and in the countries that border your own. You know that there are better countries: you’ve seen pictures about life in Europe on the village’s communal TV, and you’ve heard good things from friends, relatives or acquaintances who live there. However, your country of choice will not grant you legal entry. So, you turn to the traffickers. They say that they can get you in if you pay them.
You borrow the money, or you accept a work-for-pay deal. The day you are to travel arrives. You are nervous and feel sick to the stomach because you have seen the boat. It is in terrible condition; it’s very flimsy and tens of people are packed onto it. You remember the stories you have heard about boats sinking, people dying, ending up in refugee camps with no idea of whether they will be allowed to stay in the country or be sent home. Taking all of this into account, what will you do?
Is it possible that you may think “I know it’s very risky. But anything has to be better than the situation I’m in now. I’ll take a chance. I may be one of the lucky ones.”
It’s empathy of this kind, imagining how you would feel and behave which helps us to understand what motivates and drives people to do the desperate things they do in situations like these. It also enables us to accept the need to help others and find better solutions to problems that are of the world and caused by it.
Something else we can all do is to work to improve our levels of empathy by understanding our biases. I can hear some of you thinking, “Nothing to do with me. I don’t have biases.” Sadly, you do. In fact, we all have them. Every one of us makes judgements about people’s capabilities based on stereotypes of what it is to be: able-bodied or disabled; rich or poor; first world or third world; city or country-dweller; religious or agnostic, etc. This is a problem because stereotyping is an empathy blocker. It accentuates a person’s perception that someone is different to me and therefore less worthy and/or entitled to have what I have and/or am entitled to because of who I am.
So, let’s try that again. What are your biases? List them.
I know, it happened to me. You are shocked by what you’ve written. Don’t be despondent, because the good news is that you can manage them if you want to. For example, when you find yourself thinking, “Well, she would do that, because she is from a different country or culture”, switch your thoughts to asking yourself these questions: “Is this always true? Where is the evidence that she does that?” You may find that there is no evidence at all and that, as a result of the simple exercise of telling yourself to think differently, you do. This may be something you would not previously have thought of doing or have been able to do.
Something else you can do is invest time in seeking out views and perspectives that are different to yours. You can get them from reading books, articles and blogs, watching films and documentaries and listening to programmes on the radio. Doing so can help to make you more empathetic, especially if you focus on accepting that people are different and respecting such difference.
The fact is that with a little more empathy in the world governments, organisations and individuals are likely to do things differently and make better decisions, “not just for some but for everyone”.
Workplace Psychology can help your organisation achieve its’ performance edge via empathy. We do this by providing leadership and management development programmes and coaching to improve your peoples’ understanding and skills in empathy. Please get in touch if you would like to know more. We’ll be very happy to help.
Posted by Carolann Edwards